All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
