if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
