I hate all girls vehemently.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
