i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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