not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
