I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
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