there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
