All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
