If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
