Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
