i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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