yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
My bed smells like the plague
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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