Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
