this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I just had sex on a roof
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
wow bdsm is so cute
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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