I understand Curling. That high.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
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Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
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If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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