On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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