You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
