im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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