he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
she told me i tasted like america
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
