You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
