Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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