she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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