You smell like a Billy Joel song
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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