I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
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