mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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