I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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