The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
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All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
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I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
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