mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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