I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
They have beer where we have blood.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
i think i just lost a toe
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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