I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Randomize
