not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
