Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
