Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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