Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize