We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
