Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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