i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
