Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize