Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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