I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
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