If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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