just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
