he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
