dude i'm inner monologue high
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
