I can't breathe out the right side of my face
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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