my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Randomize
