Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I think my moral compass just broke
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