I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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