take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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