i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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