My nipple is on Facebook.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
