i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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