i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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