Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
