I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
